Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 03:40 PM,
#1
Sad  Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
For the last two weeks, I have been feeling like an animal chewing on it's own foot, so I'm reaching out for some sparkle wisdom to you ladies.

It's about my anniversary band. You can skip to the end if you want the TL;DR version.

For me, our anniversary band is not "just" a piece of jewellery, because of how we were ... cheated? deprived? out of our milestones all the way along. I've tried to tell myself all sorts of things to get over that, but there it stubbornly remains.

We never had an engagement, or engagement ring, or wedding, or wedding ring, per se. We decided to file for immigration paperwork, 2.5 years later were reunited when it all went through, got "married" for $35 in less than a minute at the JoP, all with the plan to get engaged/married when we felt the time was right.

Well, years and years later we ended up getting my engagement ring because nasty people at work were spreading rumours that we had split because I wasn't wearing a ring, and he's not really the 'big romantic gesture type' (he's more the small romantic gesture type, the kind that makes a run to 7-11 at 3 am for tampons and chocolate, and holds your hand while you watch TV) so he just sort of gave it to me.

As for our 'wedding'/wedding ring-- as the years passed it made less and less sense to have a wedding, since everyone already knew we were married and it didn't seem to make much financial sense, and having a wedding would seem like a grab for gifts, etc etc. So we just exchanged bands under a tree in his childhood backyard ... and it was sort of hurried because our in-laws and various folks were about to be back and we had only minutes to ourselves.

So, when I look back at these "milestones" I feel a pretty pervasive sense of dissatisfaction of how ass-backwards and jumbled up everything was, and totally devoid of any sort of celebration. He's such a low-key guy that he's quite happy with how everything went, because it avoided any sort of "fuss", as he puts it.

These 5 years haven't been easy. I gave up school in the last term of my degree, gave up my career, gave up my COUNTRY, gave up the closeness of my family and friends, all so I could move to a cultural hellhole and work ridiculous hours to support him while he is doing his PhD. There is not a day that goes by that it doesn't pain me to live here. Is he worth it? Definitely. I'm facing the prospect of yet another year here, when he was supposed to be done already, with dogged determination to just put one foot in front of the other until it's time to get out.

TL;DR ends:
But with all the jumbled-up, non-traditional, slipping-by-of-milestones, I want a REAL 5 year anniversary milestone. No more of this kinda-sorta-temporary-halfsies-future-ish crap! Curse

I want something that says "I survived 5 years of HELL for my man and STILL signed up for more hell, because we're worth it!"

That means I feel a lot of pressure to get this right this time. I can't decide if I should spend what is a lot of money (for us) and get something full-on custom or just to get a simple rose gold engraved band and just effin' be done with it already. Not exactly the most romantic of sentiments, but also I don't really want to jury-rig yet ANOTHER situation and miss our 5 year anniversary with another kinda-sorta-temporary-halfsies-future-ish set up and get it done at some random time way after our anniversary at the end of this month.

Also, the prospect of trying to design what I want for a custom job is stressing me the heck out. Then again, I don't want to 'settle' for something yet AGAIN. Help

Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 03:46 PM,
#2
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
Oh lots of hugs to you lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hubbies who do PhDs are wonderful but a nuisance (example: mine). PhDs are nuisance.


I say DON'T get the simple rose gold band. Maybe a 3/4 eternity to wear with your e-ring, or would you like a stand alone band?

Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 2 users Like stardust's post:
  • McThrice, Olivejuice
05-13-2013, 03:51 PM,
#3
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
DO. NOT. SETTLE.

It wasn't a tl;dr at all, and everything you said makes complete sense. I truly think that you deserve something special. Yes, custom projects are kinda headache-y, but WORTH IT. (Similar to your relationship!) I think you absolutely will regret not having done it, and we'll be here every step of the way to hold your hand. Bighug

Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes MicheleZ's post:
  • Dragonfly
05-13-2013, 03:52 PM,
#4
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
Think about it some more! I'd say don't spend the money if that money is going to help you get home again much sooner. I think getting home is more important.

Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 03:54 PM,
#5
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
What are your ideas for a band if you went full on custom? How about a simple five stone ring to mark your five year mark?

I'm going to be celebrating number 7 this year and kinda wish that I'd gotten a five stone on our five year anniversary. Getting a 5-stone now feels arbitrary unless it's some amazing vintage find. kwim?

Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 04:00 PM,
#6
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
(05-13-2013, 03:51 PM)stardust Wrote: DO. NOT. SETTLE.

It wasn't a tl;dr at all, and everything you said makes complete sense. I truly think that you deserve something special. Yes, custom projects are kinda headache-y, but WORTH IT. (Similar to your relationship!) I think you absolutely will regret not having done it, and we'll be here every step of the way to hold your hand. Bighug

Yeahthat

Custom will not be as much as you think,...

We want to help you..and you deserve a wonderful band that you dream of.

I know it can be hard to tell your man how you are feeling sometimes,..so sometimes for me,.a letter or a e-mail with my feelings does the trick.

It also gives him time to mull it over.

Please tell him how special this would be to you,....etc etc.

I just know he would want you to do this!!

Bighug

Visit this user's website
Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 04:12 PM,
#7
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
DO NOT SETTLE !!!!!@!!
I would go for a 3 or 5 stone moissanite ring, DK is very reasonable in pricing or you can check e-bay for bargains.
Here is one that I really like and you can always make an offer.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/290893311218?ssP...1423.l2649

Here is another one.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/290893292698?ssP...1423.l2649

Good luck and Happy Anniversary! Go for it, demand it.... You deserve it BighugBighugBighug

"Don't worry, be happy!"
Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 04:15 PM,
#8
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
The first one is a stock setting I think. I love it Dragon Fly!

G, you can get it through Schubbies in YG or with oecs. It's not the fine stone, but it's kind of awesome.

Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 04:15 PM,
#9
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
This is a ring fit for a Queen! I would get it if I could.


http://thefacetlounge.com/showthread.php?tid=1192

"Don't worry, be happy!"
Quote this message in a reply
[-]
  •
05-13-2013, 04:25 PM,
#10
RE: Feeling stressed and anxious - need to make a decision
Is a five stone band what you're after, or are we just assuming that five stones for five years "must be" what you want? What is your preferred style -- contemporary or antique, high or low profile, top only stones or eternity, smooth finesse or rough organic? From your e-ring it appears you gravitate toward classic and simplicity, but since you said you got your e-ring to fulfill society's needs instead of fulfilling your own wishes, I wonder what your style truly is?

With a little guidance, all of the very plugged in women here can help you find something that makes your heart sing. Everyone deserves to have their heart sing, but considering your story, you REALLY deserve it for your anniversary.

My curiosity is super piqued and I'm wondering where you are currently living and what country you love and can't wait to return to? If you're uncomfortable saying, just pretend this paragraph was never typed. Wink

Sharp mind, soft belly.
Quote this message in a reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Return to Top | Joseph Schubach Jewelers