Is it wrong?
[-] The following 1 user Likes ali_roxx's post:
  • Rusalka
11-21-2012, 11:54 AM,
#1
Is it wrong?
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11-21-2012, 12:03 PM,
#2
RE: Is it wrong?
I sometimes think marriage is over rated. but what do I know. Maybe a city hall marriage is better for you two? Just sign a piece of paper and you're done!

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[-] The following 1 user Likes MrsK's post:
  • Rusalka
11-21-2012, 12:35 PM,
#3
RE: Is it wrong?
In my opinion, I don't see the point in spending money on a wedding if you're not actually getting married. There's nothing wrong with not being married. If it's not for you, you don't have to do it. Maybe you're not ready for it yet and you will be some day?

One day, I'll be a crazy old lady weighed down by all my baubles and it will be glorious.
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[-] The following 1 user Likes BMV's post:
  • Rusalka
11-21-2012, 12:45 PM,
#4
RE: Is it wrong?
Ditto to MrsK. I also don't see the point with having a wedding if you aren't going to be legally married. That's just a big massive expensive party then, not a wedding. Have rings to symbolise your union, I don't see anything wrong with that, but a wedding seems a step too far for me.

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[-] The following 3 users Like jenncent's post:
  • BMV, Munster Cat, Rusalka
11-21-2012, 12:49 PM,
#5
RE: Is it wrong?
IMO, it is wrong to deceive people yes, but not wrong to just be common law is that makes you both happier. Smile Marriage is not for everyone and you can be committed with out it.

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11-21-2012, 12:54 PM,
#6
RE: Is it wrong?
Oh and to answer your original question, yes it is wrong to deceive friends and family into thinking you're married when you're not.

One day, I'll be a crazy old lady weighed down by all my baubles and it will be glorious.
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11-21-2012, 01:07 PM,
#7
RE: Is it wrong?
I have been married before, and divorced. AM I crazy? I want his last name and I want to be his partner for life, I am just so unsure of being married in general. Maybe we will wear the rings for a few years and be committed minus the actual wedding.
Oh dear school research papers why must you get into my head. lol

Ps. this does sort of stem from a research paper I had to do for one of my classes.

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[-] The following 1 user Likes Hadley's post:
  • ali_roxx
11-21-2012, 01:31 PM,
#8
RE: Is it wrong?
I agree that deception isn't a good option. There is the aspect of being dishonest with others, watching over your shoulder in fear of being caught in the lie, and people being hurt when they find out they were lied to (and they WILL find out). But even bigger is the aspect of being true to yourself. If you feel you have to hide yourself to convey an image that isn't you, that's living as if you are "less than." Don't live in the closet. You deserve better.

You said you "want to get married again, I think." The rest of your life is a loooong time to be held into a position you only think you want. Unless it's something you want with every fiber of your being, don't do it. Marriage has its place and its own reverence, for sure. I am a huge believer in it for so many reasons. But as BMV said, it can be overrated, definitely. Whether or not it is a good fit for you is very individual and subjective.

Stay with your guy for the rest of your lives, yes. But do it on your own terms, in a way that won't hurt either of you. There are a million ways to be a successful couple and a committed family. Those things are determined by the two of you, not a legal document. If you're healthy and happy together, the state can't tear you apart; if you're unhealthy and unhappy together, the state can't bring you together.

No matter what you decide to do... hell yes, there should be a ring! Smile

Sharp mind, soft belly.
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[-] The following 1 user Likes Rusalka's post:
  • ali_roxx
11-21-2012, 01:58 PM,
#9
RE: Is it wrong?
I understand where you are coming from. I didn't want to get married again either. I wanted to be with my partner and I missed the "security" of marriage (in brackets because all my friends are now divorced or are in the process). I thought I could be happy with just us. I didn't want the wedding and all the planning that goes with it either. It's just too much work. I did want sparkly thing on my hand, though. Eventually I realized that I didn't need the legal aspect of it, until it was too late (we already eloped). If I would do it over again, I would just be happy together with the house and all that, just would not go the legal route. I also would get the rings, lol. You don't have to be married to exchange rings Wink
There is nothing wrong with you wanting to skip the legal route Smile

"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
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11-21-2012, 02:06 PM,
#10
RE: Is it wrong?
With obama care, if you are in the US, they said single people would have access to cheaper and better insurance plans than married couples. I am still in school, and kicked off my parents insurance some time ago. I do worry about this and since SO is a construction worker (building houses in a small company) THey don't offer insurance so we buy out of pocket and OMG! This is a benefit I suppose to not going the legal route.

Thanks girls! You've all helped me seem not so crazy, and more secure with my own feelings. Rusalka, most of my married friends are getting divorced or seperated too. THe divorce rate in America scares me. Why is it so high?

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